Really Discouraged…

Well the new year began with a blast- a zest- a powerful surge of ideas and creativity. Until the other day.

I started receiving emails about  people on a website/forum posting my patters. This normally does not bother me. I mean it does, but I have been doing it so long it kind of goes with the territory- that it will happen and that I just need to follow the steps to fix it. Usually that entails contacting the person. Sometimes if that doesn’t work, contacting the forum owner. And then beyond that if no affect, then just working up the chain to where the website/forum is hosted etc. Most often, it is someone who does not realize he/she is doing wrong. So many are still ignorant when it comes to copyright issues and such.

Then why am I so down?

This one is different. It *cannot* be taken down. This particular website is out of the country, in multiple languages, free for the masses to register and begin sharing. This is so devastating.  I have always just followed my little steps when I find my patterns around the internet. But this time, I am handcuffed. I am stuck. I researched this site a little more, and it seems it has been up since at least 2009. That is 4 years. I found many designers around the internet complaining about this website, trying all means to get it taken down. I feel really discouraged that in the last 4 years, nobody has been successful.

When I did a search for my name- “Crochet Garden,” I came up with 21 hits. All were posted by the same person, in December. However, there was a few other patterns that did not come up in the search, and posted by others. There is no way for me to contact these people. I cannot send a message or do anything without gaining points, per se, to get benefits, without sharing.

With such a site, it is only a matter of time before everyone knows about this place. It will be the first place someone stops to get their patterns, to see if it is available. Not Ravelry, not Annie’s Attic, etc. Why purchase it when you can get it for free?

Of course, I know many support indie designers, but there is not enough of you out there to support us, unfortunately.

Maybe it is the shock that there is nothing I can do. Is there anything I can do? I do not know. The last couple of days I have had to push myself to look at my designs in progress and work on them. I look at them and think, wow, I spent a month on this. Put up the pattern for sale, and tomorrow, I could see this pattern available for free on this particular website, available to all.

What is worse, now, is that it has been posted on facebook, and the link is spreading like wildfire. I have had countless of emails coming in, alerting to me that my patterns are up there. This morning I wake up and open my email, countless more emails about this website. So you can imagine.

All I can do is ask, if the person or the person who knows of the person posting my patterns, I am humbly asking if they can please take them down.

It would be so different if there was something I could do. Report it, send messages, etc. I see 4 years of people before me doing all that and more, and it has been futile. I am just really discouraged right now.

Happy New Year 2013!

My goodness, it has been a whole year since I last blogged. Shame on me. I am first to say it. I really have neglected a lot of things this past year. I think 2012 was just gray year. Is there such a thing? It just kind of went by, and I think I was merely a passive participant. I don’t know if that makes sense, as half the time I question myself if I make sense to myself.

For 2013, I feel a new energy. I really feel like it is a brand new year!!  Maybe there really is something to astrology. 2012, for some reason, was the year of avoidance for me. I avoided everything, from exercise, to crochet, to people… I am not sure what happened. I just fell out of the groove of life, per se, I guess. I didn’t blog, that’s for sure. My laundry pile is, well, quite extraordinary! I think that word has a nice connotation than other words I could have chosen. I think that is going to be my new word for 2013- extraordinary!!

I have this new zest- I want to renew myself in many ways. I put on so much weight the past few years, and for the last 3 months (give or take) I have been taking a step back, and looking at myself, and my goals. I guess I just needed that turn of the clock at midnight to actually feel the spark. Why is that? But either way, this process started a few months ago, but really has gone into motion the past few weeks.

I have been quite ashamed at how much I gained, and how much I let myself go (though I am glad I let my hair go, it is down my hiney now!). I think my feelings fed my avoidance of everything. It was like symbiotic in a way- I stayed in and avoided things which fed my weight, and that in turn steered me deeper into this hole. I was not really depressed or anything, just more like, just another plain day.

So in comes overhaul. Not just body, but everything, my body, mind and spirit. I am even thinking of going to church.

Anyway, in an attempt to become healthy, and lose weight, I have (for the time being at least) turned vegan. I am not sure if I am technically vegan, since everything I have read about vegans does not just encompass their food selections, but also what they wear and what products they use. From shoes, to  purses, etc.

For myself, I redefined what I eat. Last year, we cut out pop. We now drink water with meals. We cut out eating out, except for the occasional celebratory meals. And for the past few months, I have cut out a lot of food. I no longer eat meat, nor eggs, nor dairy (even milk and cheese!). I do not eat anything processed out of a box (including cereal, granola bars etc). Sure, I guess they can be *healthy*. But I have adopted a simple way of eating- whole food, and back to making my meals. If I want granola, I will make it. No MSG, no refined fructose syrup, no refined corn syrup, etc.

In the past 3 months-ish, I have lost 40 lbs. (Sadly, I still have 100+ pounds to go).

With my new eating style, I eat as much as I want. I never, ever starve myself or go without. If I am hungry, I eat. I still have yet to incorporate exercise to this, but the overhaul of how I eat was quite a quest to begin with. But now, with 2013, I am ready !! I want a new me. I want to not only lose weight, but to feel healthy. I don’t want to dwell on things that I cannot change anymore. No more avoiding things. Avoidance comes with weight. I want to not only lose body weight, but weight from stress.I want to develop an exercise routine. That will be a new quest, as I am not really sure how to start or what to do. I have a Y membership, but I really do not want to go there with all those fit bodies.

I am thinking of keeping a personal video blog. I am not sure if I will be able to publish for the world, as I am still trying to crawl out of this shame of how I left myself go… But it may be something special for me, to document my journey.

On the crochet front- I am back!! Goodness, the past couple of weeks, I feel revived. I neglected my crochet in 2012. I think it was all part of that “absent from life” for a bit. Maybe it was mid life crisis? I  don’t know what age that normally happens at. Maybe it was just a funk. We all have funks, right? Just say yes.

My goal for this year crochet-wise is to get through all the designs I have in progress. Either finish them, or discontinue them. My poor testers- I know some were irritated with me, sadly. I didn’t finish a lot of designs, and they sit there, abandoned. All the more reason to get out of this funk. I am glad though that most forgive me for that, and are still hanging out- putting up with my back-in-gear-designing.

I have started a new lace shawl. I am in love with it. It is a triangular shawl, and oh the edging is (to me) a jaw dropper. So is the body, in its own way, but can’t have too many elements competing for attention at the same time  in a design. At least not in mine, I think my mind would go crazy.

I can’t yet post a sneak-peak, though I would love to. I am still working on the edging, and then have yet to block it. I am not sure if I want to keep it on the Crochet Garden website or send it off to a magazine, or maybe even for greater things- ah what to do!

Well, world, if anyone even is out there, happy crocheting, happy health, happy New Year, and have an extraordinary day!